Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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