I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
