pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
