My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
