I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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