he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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