I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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