note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
