I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
