Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i barfeds in our rink
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
