seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
