so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
