Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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