The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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