She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
