see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
