i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
