we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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