their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
