I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
