Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
