im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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