you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
