Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
