first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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