You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
