i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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