I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
