I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
