remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
