i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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