Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
