that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
