I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
