if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
