I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
