This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
