i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
