That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
