Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will be naked everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
