You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
