I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
