Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
