Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
