I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
