yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
