I think I won the penis lottery.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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