there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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