My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
