There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
