Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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