I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
